It's Not About Me...I Know That. I Really Do.

Not-at-all-confidential-missionary-confession:

(I'm laughing about this now, but last week it wasn't funny at all.)

This week Sister Stumpf and I struggled semi-health/semi-emotional-wise. I'm sitting here thinking that I wish someone had told me before I left for my mission, "Listen, you're going to have days where, despite your AMAAAZZZIIINNNGGG job/calling, all you will feel like doing is eating a tub of room-temperature cookie dough, watching an entire season of Grey's Anatomy, and telling the world, Anchorman-style (is it appropriate to make Anchorman jokes on a mission blog? If I'm being truthful, yes.) "I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!!!"

Cue new realization (I have them about every 3.5 seconds here): God has a sense of humor AND He is merciful AND He understands when you're frustrated at everything for no good reason. I think it has something to do with us being human?

We taught more lessons to prepared people this past week than I have my entire mission thus far. We're talking quality teaching moments. Lessons where things just...click. Things as simple as, "Hey, God knows everything about you and He STILL loves you."
Soooooo good.

I'll sum it up this way: I need to spend less time thinking about myself, even when the feelings are justified. The whole "lose yourself to find yourself" thing. You know it as well as I do if you've spent ten seconds of your life trying to care about others. There HAS to be a point where you say to yourself, "Self, I know you feel like snuggling up to a bowl of Ben & Jerry's Late Night Snack right now, but there are bigger things at stake. Like how much you can help people when you're not thinking about potato chip chunks covered in fudge."

Last thought: this week President and Sister Wilson called a special conference with each zone separately. Overall, the message was this-- when we focus on what is BEST and stop focusing on what's most comfortable/easy/convenient, straight-up miracles happen. Stop making excuses. Stop focusing on personal accolades. Stop basically making this about you.
There are two prominent names on the tag I wear every day:
Sister Goodpaster and Jesus Christ.
Sometimes that feels heavy.
But there are moments, countless moments throughout the day, when I think, "Stop thinking so much. You're doing just fine. Keep moving forward and focusing outward."

Maybe that's today's message. Laugh at your first inclination to do "what I want to do because I deserve it, dang it!" Then embrace a willingness to look out/around/beyond you.

I can do this. You can do this. And we can have joy in the outcomes together. Yes? Yes.

Love,
Sister Goodpaster

P.S. Summer's almost here and I love it!
P.P.S. Sometimes when I go back and re-read what I'm about to send, I feel like it sounds like something from the SNL skit "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey." (YouTube is a miraculous tool if you don't know what I'm referring to.) Completely ridiculous and awkwardly reflective and leaves me feeling like I don't know whether to laugh or roll my eyes. Just...just appreciate that I get to be weird and call myself a missionary for another ten months and we'll all laugh about it later, okay? Okay! :-)